February 3, 1947

Sunday

Dear Doc, 

Really, Mr. Rounds, I can't understand why I am so liberal with my correspondence to you. But, of course, you too wondered the same thing.  It interests me, Doc, you said, I know why I write you but I can't figure out why you write me.  Now is it so complicated?  Frankly, Doc, I've given it great thought, serious thought.  But tell me, why did you ask?  Can't you be satisfied with a good thing while you have it without wondering whence it came, and how long it will be?  I can and I do.  Cynic speaking.

Why do you call me cynic?  Of course, you are not the first, I think most people misunderstand me.  I don't mean to be cynical.  It is just my personality.  Enough about that but getting back to the original subject of the day.  Just why do you write me?  Doc, feel free to speak your mind.  You have the floor, Mr. Rounds, so take it from there.

Oh yes, thank for the photo.  "Honey" is a darling.  No further comment.  I shall oblige by consulting my agent before passing any out.  After all, one must take all precaution against publicity in the "line" of work, thought "  " would arouse some comments.

I shan't expect prompt response as you warned. But tell me, Doc, have you ever been prompt?  Ahem!

Today I am most fortunate I have a Sunday off.  Therefore, I don't have to drag myself out of bed at five to get to church, which was done anyway, as Jo would give me no peace so I have until 1:30 to kill.  Which I shall do on you.  I don't know what happened!!!!

Friday

Dear Doc, So I continue four days later with years of experience and fun the last days.

First, I must tell you about Miss Tillbey, better known as Laura, one of the nurses.  Doc, you would love her.  She is one of the finest people I have ever met.  She is one of the "big" people of the world.  She's done all the wonderful things in life - In fact, she is perfect.  She is much older, just in years, tho, she is as young in spirit as we.  She can walk along and throw rocks at trees, and also sit with Mrs. Astor and still be her own wonderful self.  She always does the right thing.  I wish you could meet her.  Have you ever been with a person with whom you felt at the highest level you could reach. By highest level, I mean mentally - the height, well that's the way I feel with Laura, and it is a pretty wonderful, satisfying feeling.  Rarely found, I would say, as it has happened few times to me.  It never would be possible to describe Laura, She's too deep - but believe me when I say she is wonderful - Well on, with the day.

I am sure you must have read about the terrific blizzard we have been having.  Guess Milwaukee has had it all -   Wednesday evening feeling brave and full of adventure Jo, Laura and I decided we wanted a steak - an elegant steak - So in the blizzard we made our way into Milwaukee on which was the last trolly of the evening.  Gosh, what a storm - Oh, but we had fun - We got downtown, it was snowing, raining, blowing and everything else but our spirits were high.  We went to the Schroeder Hotel had martinis and a perfectly beautiful dinner, thinking nothing of the weather, or how we were going to get back.  Well, we went out, Jo taking several falls ripping the knees out of her nylons.  She tried to tell us she wasn't praying to "Al La" but we knew differently - go on Anne - So we struggled to Wells where we were to catch our car.  The darn trollies were stalled - six of them - lined up as though they would be there forever - and they still are standing in the same spot - It is forty-eight hours now, anyway.  We were told the cars wouldn't be leaving until eight the next morning.  So, we trudged on back to the hotel.  Fortunately, Laura knows the manager so we got a room - probably the last one - It was like New Year's Eve - People were everywhere - Guess we all resorted ourselves to the facts and we were stuck, Really stuck, but fun.  I shall never forget it.  Anyway we spent a happy night and come the morn were at the trolley station at eight, snow banks ten feet high - NO exaggeration either - We plunks ourselves in one of the cars waiting for action.  The people were wonderful - never in my life have I ever seen people all at the same "level" level, so to speak, I loath the expression - anyway we all were in the same fix.  Some had been sitting in the car since eight the night before.  So you can imagine, I trust and hope you are using your imagination as I'm doing a bad job of this.  We all had fun - everyone inviting each other for coffee - Coffee is still coming out of my ears - Came eleven o'clock and still no progress.  Progress, tell no effort was made so we consulted each other and the three of us decided to walk - walk, I said son, home which is seven miles.  You understand there were no cabs, buses, no transportation of any kind (I'm not a poor country girl either, you've heard the old saying) So we walked home, all there was, was a little path tramped through the Main Street - so we struggled but finally got home, among laughter, falls, etc -   Everyone was desperately worried and were quite surprised to see the three snow women return - Admiral Byrd has nothing on us - I'm planning on going along on his next expedition.  We got home and had hot bathes, bacon and eggs and plenty of rest, which we needed.  It was a wonderful experience and Laura was a perfect person to be with.  I'd do it tonight again - 

The situation was quite bad.  Guess you must have read all about it.  Must have been the worst storm in 25 years - worst storm in Milwaukee was the latest report.  The roads still are not cleared and there is little transportation.  We probably still would be sitting in the Wells car if we hadn't started out walking.

Lets see we shall get off the subject of the storm - 

It was good getting your letter - Was a nice letter, Doc, yes indeed we must extend credit where it is due.  Have you ever thought how rarely that is done?  People are so afraid to pass out good words for one another.  Even in our work, Nurses, are so afraid to say good things about another.  They look with envy when patients are generous, more generous toward some nurses - But I won't go into that - Live and let live - Give out goodness continuously and you'll find only goodness can be taken in.

I realize you are busy Doc, much as I like getting your letters don't neglect your studies - I understand - 

My best,

Anne

Enclose a photo of Colonial Hall

Doc, This is Colonial Hall in the summer time.  Beautiful, isn't it?  The other buildings are as lovely.  Wish you could see it.  There is no reason why you can't - Anne

Best I can do right now in regards to photos.

January 25, 1947

Sunday

Dear Doc,

This may be the long promised decent letter I was going to write.  But of course, who knows?  Only time will tell.

It is a perfectly beautiful Sunday afternoon.  I certainly hate to be on duty.  I can't believe the day is possible.  Some like beautiful Texas weather.  Oh no, anything but that.  Be a perfect day for flying, so, why don't you hop in the "Old Gypsy" and dash down Milwaukee way?  Really Chief Big Feather, when have you commenced telling times by moons?  Haven't you heard?  There are days, weeks, months, etc. Sorry, you've been going through life all the "moons" uninformed but I shall see what can be done about it.

Gad, it's beautiful out.  I would like to be doing first anything so I believe I shall "round up" some patients and take them out walking.  Best I can do, but I said just anything, didn't I?

Pardon me one moment while I do.  Promise I won't wait three days.

Monday

Promise I won't wait three days.  Well, I didn't with three days, but one, I shall continue.

It's terribly cold out.  Quite a contrast from the first part of the weather.  Gosh, it is cold, I'm sorry I didn't go with Admiral Byrd to the South Pole, I would be much warmer right now.  Or would I?  But we won't go into that - Let's not - shall we?

Had quite a busy day today.  There certainly is plenty of activity round the place lately - Good weather for alcoholics - 

Jo and I are having a wonderful time.  We are learning how to knit.  Now don't laugh.  It is funny though.  Oh, what laughs!  Frankly, I beginning to think "Why be a slave in the machine age?"  My, so called, scarf looks like one big knot with moth holes.  It's a masterpiece.  I think I'll frame something to show my grandchildren.  Jo is getting "brave" and wants to knit a sweater.  This should prove quite an eventful winter.  But I shall bother you no longer with this female chatter.

Hope you have received the letter I sent to your home.

Tell me, are you still living at or fraternity house?  I hope your "house mother" is treating you with care.

Be good and do write soon - 

Jo sends her "knitted best"

As ever,

Anne

January 18, 1947

Thursday

Dear Doc,

And so again I shall start another letter to you.  Since I received your last letter I have made several unsuccessful attempts.  But this one, I vow will get to you, if I have to deliver said contents myself, in person.

This being a most quiet Thursday evening.  Everyone in Bark House has their day off including myself but had to work because I was off yesterday due to this damn miserable cold.  I've tried everything, from sulfa to scotch, but to no avail.  Anyway, as I was saying I am alone but not as fortunate as you, Mr. Rounds, to be home alone with "Honey."  

Now, really, Doc, you honestly don't believe you have convinced me that "Honey" could be a dog.  How could you Doc?  Tell me about her, Doc.  My, the right setting, Frank Mum and everything, you certainly do think of everything, Don't you?

We shall leave it at that.  With the famous last words I know better. 

We, both Jo and I were most interested to hear the details about Bill's wedding. Frankly, I think it will be mighty good for him.  That is, if Barbara can tolerate it.  It will give him something else, besides himself to think about.  Of course, Doc, you are going to visit the happy couple.  Who knows (never mind I was going to say something catty)  I think you should except said invitation, after all, Doc, I'm sure Barbara, being "the sweetest and best wife in the world" wants to meet the friends of her sweetest and best husband.

Sounds just like Bill, "Yep I went and did it," just as though he were buying ticket on a raffle or something of the like.  But we should be considerate - Bill is a fine young man - Best intentions and if he is happy I envy him.  He certainly deserves it as there really is such little happiness in the world compared with the unhappiness one must endure.  Yee, gods this writing!!

Speaking of having tonsils removed. (That seems to be an everlasting subject of conversation with the Roberts, Rounds friendship)  By all means, have the darn things extracted.  It really is nothing at all.  Even though I would not go through the "slight operation" (so it is called) again, second thought, I guess I would.  Do get them out before they get too bad as I made that mistake.

I'm afraid this letter is terribly dull, so if you have an engagement with "Honey" or anything else to do go right ahead.  You will be missing nothing at all.

At present, I find myself unprepared to give you a full detailed report on Benzedrine .  I shall try to remember to look it up at my first opportunity.  For safety sake, my dear, Austin Lincoln Rounds, I would exercise restraint, if I were you and would not indulge too heavily.  Incidentally, what has Benzedrine to do with Accounting and General Business?  Or is this extra curricula activities?

Saw "Henry V" It is a fine thing.  Really worth seeing.  I'd like to see the thing again.  Frankly, I believe more people would understand Shakespeare if he were produced in the same manner as "Henry V".  Olivier did a truly fine job.  Think you would enjoy it.  See it if you get the opportunity.

I have taken a job doing secretarial work an hour and a half after I get off duty for the old alcoholic I once told you about.  Anyway, she thinks she can write and I guess she was pretty good in her day - But!!  And of course, I don't mind.  The writing I do in one day is nil as she lies down on the bed, gets up, goes to the bathroom, comes out, gets her knitting, sits down, has me help her move the chair, gets up, closes the window, turns on the heat, led down again, gets up, paces the floor, opens the window, turns off the heat, goes to the bathroom, coughs, coughs some more, lies down again, finally jumps up saying, Miss Roberts you've had a hard day, you may go now!

Do I wonder - How long before I go bats?  The doctors say, she loves having me, so what am I to do?  Just keep her happy, they say.  I'm beginning to believe I should charge her more.  After all!  Anyway, she has loads of dough and she may leave me several million.

Seriously though, I think, God, if I can make the old girl happy by just being with her, that is the least I can do.  She is quite interesting.  Spent most of her life in Paris (no surprise she's an alcoholic) also traveled all over Switzerland on foot.

That would be fun, don't you think?

Someday I'll do something foolish (so people say) like hiking out West, or taking a youth Hostel trip someplace.

This is a very bad letter.  I must continually apologize for my letter writing.  Per usual I shall try to write a better one next time - 

Jo sends her love - 

Thanks for offering Bill's address.  Guess he wouldn't be interesting in hearing from us.  As I wouldn't care to write.  Do send him our congratulations when you write, please - 

Write again soon - 

As ever,

Anne

January 7, 1947

New Year's Day

Dear Doc,

A very happy New Year to you, Mr. Rounds.  I sincerely hope your every wish shall be granted.

Being New Year's Day, I honestly feel proud of myself, no headaches, no hangover, I find myself among the fortunate few or perhaps among the unfortunate.  Frankly, I would have preferred the later, However, no such luck.  A few of the nurses in our humble "Bark House" as it is so called, (no reference to the occupants) had a "gay" party.  Oh, we had a great time, however, I would hardly consider it a New Year's Eve up to the old Roberts standard.  Anyway, I have no hangover, so what?  Well, again, Happy New Year, may you live to see a thousand. However, continue flying as you have been and you may be seeing New Year's from a "different view".

Good God, man, don't you want to live?  The least you could do would be to wear your red woolies.  After all the hours I've spent lecturing to you on the many advantages of "snuggies", Oh, you should be ashamed.  Enough about that, remember though, whenever in need of a "very fine nurse" do feel free to call on one Anne Roberts, of course, just having experience with mental illnesses you can't expect too much, I've been told I do have "quite a bedside manner," but we'll let that pass.  Also if you can remember, I'm still the "good old nose dropper" I was when in San Antonio.  Yee, gods, am I responsible for this conversation?

Jo just told me to tell you to please be careful with that silly airplane of yours, you are not in San Antonio now, and anyway, she would like to see you again alive.  Et tu Brutus.

Thursday

Can't even remember what happened to my letter writing mind of last night but nevertheless I shall make a favorable attempt to finish this letter this evening.

I'm so glad you had such a fine Christmas.  Ours was quite pleasant after time progressed, having to work Christmas morning spoiled the day for the.  We caught a train from Wausaw Christmas afternoon and got home @ 7:00 p.m., which wasn't too bad, the train ride was fun - Next trip I take I shall reserve a chair in the Club Car - Anyway, we got home to a most wonderful Christmas dinner.  Everything from oyster cocktails (my favorite) to after dinner Brandy.  Being accustomed to the rarity of institutional cooking I found my taste buds gone but they soon began to bloom and all was well.  Thursday being our day off was spent eating, talking, drinking, and doing all the good things one does while at home.  It was good seeing my brother, who is still in the Army.  He and his wife were home for the holiday.

Listen my dear, Mr. Rounds you haven't seen anything until you really do see Insulin Shock Treatment.  The amount of insulin given to Diabetics is so very small compared to the treatment of mental illnesses.  Diabetics getting only 10 to 20 units before each meal.  However, with this type of shock treatments the amount varies from 120 to as high as 300 units.  The treatment usually lasts form 1:00 a.m. until noon, depending on the patients.  It's the damnedest thing I have ever seen (full shock).  The first time I saw it I was so frightened I wanted to go right home and pack my things and bid farewell to this type of work forever.  But now, I'm quite accustomed to the treatment and it  doesn't bother me too much.  What surprised me so greatly was the great number of young men and women who are here.  One starts to think, what the devil is this generation coming to?  A lot of the fellows are ones who have been in the Army, that's understandable - but the women - Speaking of the weaker sex, I'm convinced.  I shall defend them no longer.  Most of them are from the richest families, perhaps that's reason without thinking any further.  Perhaps if some of them went out and earned their "way" for awhile they wouldn't have time to be depressed and all theses idiotic things they've been thinking and doing.  I could rave on all night but I won't.

As far as "throwing invitations around" Why do you suppose one sends invitations?  Of course, to be accepted.  I would like to see you very much (Excuse me, one of the nurses just dashed in and wants us to go to the movie, so we shall - will write more later)

I hope you will be patient and I shall get on with this.  This is Saturday.  Please forgive me if you have a rather difficult time trying to decipher this so called writing.  Guess the movie was too much for me as 2 a.m. in bed as a result.  I managed to pick up a beautiful cold and feel miserable.  (the price one pays for living in the North)  Anyway, I'm supposed to be resting.  Which I shall do after I finish this letter to you.  I have been enjoying the luxuries of the Milwaukee Sanitorium.  Perfectly wonderful meals delivered right to my bedside.  I love it.  Guess I've let this cold linger.  On second thought, I guess I won't miss my work too much.

As I was saying.  It would be perfectly wonderful seeing you again.  May I also say, no explanations are in order - Tell me, what is there to explain?  Oh, all right, if you want to hear the story of my life again I shall gladly submit same.

January 6

I have found one thing try in my life.  Never plan anything. From today on I shall do just that thing.  Today is the day for the Ballet and here I am still in bed.  I had planned on going so ver much.  Gosh, that makes me so mad (angry, pardon me).  Oh, well, there will be more _ Everything happens for the best, no matter how cruel it seems at the time -

Heavens man, keep me in suspense no longer.  Tell me about Bill Ayers' wedding.  Frankly, I can't believe it.  Just can't picture Bill married.  Has he written you?  Did you receive an invitation?  Is the girl from Hamilton? Did they have a large wedding?  Tell all, Doc, I really am interested, as it is what I never expected, but then, one never knows.  I certainly hope for Bill's sake it is the "real thing' (if such exists).  He certainly would be a miserable object unhappily married.  Enough about that - I am anxiously awaiting all details - 

Forgive me if this letter is bad, I know it is.

Take it easy in that little flying machine - please -

As ever, 

Anne

 Do write soon, per unusual

November 21, 1946

Sunday

Dear Doc,

My dear, Mr. Rounds, you should feel flattered.  Tell me, how often do you receive letters (from females) written at 7:00 in the morning?  It's a rare thing, Doc, let me assure you.

Jo having to go on duty shortly after seven couldn't tolerate my staying in bed until eight, at least had to drag me out of bed to go to breakfast with her.  So I did!  That accounts for the early morn correspondence.  I don't have to be on duty until ten.  However, I shall write until the time comes to go to church.

By the way, Doc, tell me your secret, where do you get the "inspiration" for such lengthy letters?  They are very interesting and may I say, a welcome enjoyment?  I shall try to respond fittingly, knowing I won't succeed.

Life at the Sanitorium continues to be as full and interesting as it was when I started.  Before I comment further:

Say Mr. Rounds, what do you mean, the Anne Roberts of "old" didn't seem serious enough to become interested in mental disease?  Thinking about myself as of last year, I guess I was pretty much of a dope.  To be quite frank, I didn't know what I wanted to do.  One thing I am very glad of and that is that I got out of Wolff and Marx.  One deteriorated in that place.  It takes all out of one and gives nothing but unpleasantness in return.  Perhaps I shouldn't be bitter, we had our fun there.  It makes me disgusted with myself to know I preferred that place instead of going to school which I would have been doing.  Oh well, if I hadn't worked there I would have never met you which compensates greatly, huh!!

For god sakes, Doc, why do you continue studying subjects you don't enjoy and know you'll be unhappy doing.  You talk like an old man, "gramps" what are you, all of twenty two?  For heavens sakes, if you don't get any satisfaction out of "Management Fundamentals", "History of Insurance," "

How to be a good businessman" bla-bla- etc.  Why are you studying it?  Business fundamentals are for men who want to be big businessmen, and apparently you don't.  Hell, Doc, if you want to study Psychology, go ahead and do it.  More power to you.  What I can't understand is why a person would want to go through life - day after day doing something he knew he honestly didn't want to do.  Study Psychology as a "layman" can and can't be done.  One has to come in contact with people who are mentally unstable in order to understand it fully.  "That is my advice to you, Mr. Anthony"

By the way, I think you are quite wrong.  Parents and loved ones of persons who suffer from mental illness feel no humiliation at all.  From the cases I've come in contact with.  They don't feel pity, God that is the last thing the patients need.  As soon as people, everyone, realize that mental illness is not shameful, the better it will be for patients to orientate themselves in the "outside" or so called "normal world" after they are considered well.  There is nothing disgraceful about mental illness.  Anyone can suffer from mental illness.  Must dash off to church now.  Will continue later.  

Bye!

Another perfectly beautiful day has ended and I shall try to complete this so called "letter." 

 I tried several times while on duty to write more, however that was impossible, not that today was considered a busy day but there are so many interruptions.  Mrs. Leusdale wants to go for a walk.  You see, most of the patients in our cottage cannot go out unless attended by a nurse.  Which makes it fine and dandy when there are music lovers in the crowd.  Tuesday I'm accompanying one of my patients to see Hamlet.  Wonderful opportunity.  Of course, it's all on the patient.  I think this work is ideal.  Say, Doc, if you really are interested in this type of work, why don't you do it during the summer months?  When you are not going to school?  There are numerous opportunities for "eager" young men.  Or, are you no longer considered an "eager" young man.

My dear, Mr. Rounds, you flatter me greatly.  I never dream of becoming a psychiatrist.  I will be satisfied if I can be a damn good nurse.  I trust you'll excuse the profanity.

Oh, Doc, you are so wrong.  Mental suffering is such terrible suffering.  I don't know what manics you have been going with, however, the ones I have seen and talked to (acute sufferers) They know "something" is wrong with them and they are miserable because they do not know what it is.  The fact that they cannot realize reality.  Oh, it is all so complex.  I get so excited when I start thinking about it all.  Is that normal?

We have a wonderful group of nurses living in our house.  They are all rather elderly but very young in spirit.  There are five of us living here.  We are "waiting up" for one of the women who gets off duty at eleven for a good old beer party, with onion sandwiches and everything else that goes well with beer including numerous laughs.  Oh, we had a grand time.  I find I get along better with older women than I do the young.  Guess it is because I can't tolerate frustrated females who are frustrated females because they know of nothing better to do.

I regret very greatly not ever going flying with you.  Heavens man, why didn't you drag me?  This summer we had the occasion to do a great deal of flying.  Perhaps you remember my telling you about the girls camp we were at this summer. Well, the director's son, who was recently discharged from the Air Corps. He was a transport pilot in the Burma India Theater.  Anyways, he had a piper cub with pontoons which offered many pleasant hours of flying.  It is wonderful.  By the way, my eagle friend, clarify said statement, please, Getting Checked out in a P51 Mustang may be a little more than I could handle which was just what I thought when I met you (only differently)  Yee gads, what comparison!  Never fear, Doc, you'll come through alright.  I'll think of you Tuesday. Not that, that would make you feel anymore confident.

Incidentally, Doc, I was unable to decipher the Morse Code.  Enlighten me, Mr. Rounds I'm interested.  As you remember I was quite bad in code. - I just couldn't grasp it.

I know this is a very poor letter.  Please forgive me, I shall try to do better next time.

As ever,

Anne

November 6, 1946

November 4

Dear Doc,

I hope you will forgive me for not writing.  It was not intentional that I had neglected writing.  You see, Doc, again I am a working girl.  This really doesn't seem like work at all.  I shall elaborate.  After some very sound advice and urging from Dr. Pyterek we have become interested in the medical profession.  Of course, it always had my utmost admiration and respect however, I never realized myself a nurse or anything else connected with it.  Alright, Doc, I will relieve the suspense.  Both Jo and I are nursing at the Milwaukee Sanitarium, which is a private mental institution.  I'm anxious to hear what you have to say about that.  It doesn't seem like an institution at all.  It is a beautiful place.  I work in one of the cottages (cottages they are called, however, I think mansions would be more appropriate) where the more mild cases are confined.  It is very interesting.  We have one patient who is an alcoholic, she is eighty-four years old.  Guess, she has everything in the back. Gad, she is a character.  It is amazing watching that woman.  Mentals have all my sympathy.  Their suffering is so depressing and sometimes so hopeless.  I am convinced and I actually believe mental suffering is more degrading than physical suffering.  No more of that though.

You asked if we were "Queens of the Campus."  Can't think of a worse status than that.  Much as I would like to be going to school now, I am not.  I have (or we have) decided to give Father Roberts a rest, "financially." Seeing we have such interesting work in a field which will be of future value we have decided to work a year and enter school then.  This is the ideal place to save money.  It is possible for me to save money, I have found that out. Also to do some heavy studying.  I am enjoying this life.  Arise at 6 a.m., retire about 9 p.m.  I imagine it is quite difficult for you to believe last statement, is the truth, Doc, nurses honor.

I am sorry to hear the Boston University is "blessed" with such few females.  Much as I would like to go there, it just isn't possible.  Darn it!!!  Some day I'll come East on a vacation.  What did you say the ratio was?  Heavens, Doc, I'll dash right there immediately.

Your weekend trip in the mountains sounds wonderful.  I love doing things like that.  There are so few people who really enjoy the simple things.  It is unfortunate because they are missing so much of life.

It is strange that we both should remember the evening we spent together reading O'Henry.  When I think of you and the times we spent together that usually enters my mind first along with the evening you returned from furlough/leave, (pardon me. I never could get that straight) and we saw Mischa Elman and you gave me the gardenia.  Remember?  Fine, perfect time, wasn't it?

By the way, have you heard from Bill?  I wonder if he ever got married.  Please enlighten me with any news.  Frankly, I can't picture Bill married.  Guess, tho, there isn't another person with such "wide" ideas about marriage as I.  They are rare _ Someday I write a book, Mental and Marriage by A. Roberts, the voice of experiencement.  Good joke!!!

Oh yes, Doc, I was going to ask you, How is your "house Mother"? Or don't you have one?  Guess, I wouldn't mind a job like that.  However, on second thought I guess I wouldn't, I am much happier caring for mentals.  (now laugh)  There is a difference you know, or is there?

Have you ever been to Milwaukee, Doc?  It's a fine city.  You would like it, I'm sure.  I think it is a wonderful place.  When I do, I'm going to take my nurses training at the St. Joseph's in Milwaukee.  The Sanitarium is located in a suburb of Milwaukee just about six miles out.  Convenient commuting which makes it most pleasant.

I disagree with you greatly, Doc.  It isn't such a "terrible thing" for one to see hisself as he really is.  It seems like a "terrible thing" because people do it so seldom.  We are so cowardly, cruel and disloyal towards one another and towards ourselves?  Spending our days doing useless things in false pretense and triviality?  There is to much joy and beauty and love in the world.  Heaven knows we want all three, but, yet we are afraid and ashamed to take it or seek it out.  Why are we afraid and ashamed to hunt out what we want most in life?  Perhaps it is because so few people know what they want out of life.  We are all so lost, so forsaken and so very lonely.  Life, how I love it!  

You mentioned the fact that you thought you were being selfish by not spending your free time with your parents.  Have you ever thought how selfish it is of them to expect you to do just that thing?  They have had their life.  Why do parents always cling to the old hope that their children will always be children, not grown men and women with minds and ideas of their own?  It is a rather cruel thing but parents should be able to resign themselves to the fact that their children are going to find more interesting, exciting interests than they.  I could go on all evening, however, I won't.  Parents expect too much from their children and vice versa I guess.  I feel so differently about my parents now than I did while I was in San Antonio.  I don't think I could stay away from them as long as I did then.  Of course, I realize what a perfectly ungrateful brat I was.  And now I am different.  It must be I am "growing up" How rare.  Life is real, Life is earnest.  And death is not it's goal - 

Do not apologize for upsetting me!  I was not upset.  Perhaps amazement would be a better word.  You do know me quite well, don't you, Doc?  Better than anyone else - that is besides Jo - However, I must admit it is the most strange way I have ever heard of one person letting another know he wanted to hear from her - But you succeeded.  Mark one up for Austin Lincoln Rounds - 

Have you been to any concerts?  I'm dying to get out and go to one - Too bad you are not going to school in Milwaukee - Tough luck!

While we were in Valparaiso at my sister's we had a great time.  She has a marvelous collection - of course. We had the record player going full blast all hours of the day.  I don't think I'll ever get enough classical music to satisfy my desire.  There always is something new one has not heard.  There are so many things aI want to do, to see, and to hear I doubt if I will live long enough.  That is why it is so important to make every minute count.  Once it is gone it will never return.  How very sad!!

I am rather doubtful about this letter - 

Really Doc, I'm mentally stable.  Anyway the doctors think so - 

Please write soon - I'm hoping you will not wait as long as I did to answer.  Serves me right if you do-  However, I'd rather you didn't.

As ever,

        ever,

             Anne

Incidentally I hope you won't have too difficult of a time finding the pages - they are numbered!

Anne Roberts

1232 Dewey St.

Milwaukee Sanitorium

Wauwatosa, Wisc

U.S.A.

My, my, Anne how original - the USA I mean

October 9, 1946

October 9

Dear Doc,

I hope I am capable of conveying to you what I want to say to you by means of a letter.  It probably will be most inefficient.  It seems so difficult to explain when it really need not be an explanation at all!  I believe, Doc, you have formed some very definite ideas and conclusions about me which are entirely wrong and unjustifiable.  This I surmised from your letter to Jo.  Whatever happened to us I do not know.  I guess we need not go into the subject further.  However, I would be interested in knowing what you meant by the "unsurmountable obstacle".  I didn't know we were faced by any obstacles.

Our times together have been the most completely pleasant times I have known.  Everything we did together was fun.  I have not known such continual pleasure since.  They are not easy to forget and truthfully I do not want to.  It isn't natural for one to want to forget the good and that which one enjoys or has enjoyed.  we have done many wonderful things together.  Many which I shall remember always as it is impossible to think of San Antonio and not think of you.

This, Doc, is not an appeal to your sentiments.  I want to tell you I am sorry.  I realize now that unmindfully, unwillingly, unknowingly I have hurt you.  Something I never want to consider myself guilty of - ever hurting anyone - as I know what it is to be hurt.  A most unpleasant experience.  People are so selfish, so self centered.  They really don't give a care about anyone except themselves. I have become very cynical.

I was very happy to hear you are having such a wonderful time in school.  Also that you were going.  Generally speaking, people waste so much time not ever making time out to appreciate the day.

You may be interested - in the past events of the past year.  Good heavens, does it seem possible?  It is really a year since S.A.?  It seems like just months ago.  Anyway, Jo and I had a most pleasant summer.  We counseled at one of the girls camps in Northern Wisconsin.  Was a great life.  Plenty of sleep, fresh air, good food, and no intoxicating beverages which is just what one needs after living in S.A. any length of time.  Agree?

Oh yes, I also had my tonsils removed.  Remember the day Jo had hers removed?  Anyway, mine gave me a rather bad time and it was quite some time before I recovered.  However, I must say I enjoyed breakfasts in bed- Jo is a wonderful nurse!  In fact I have employed her for a lifetime.  She is convinced now - (that is upon your suggestion) that I need her.  The latter part of your suggestion may be rather "far-fetched"  It is going to be quite some time before I settle down - if that is what one calls it and apparently it is.  That is all too easy, settling down I mean.

I hope you are not bored, Doc.  You are the one person I want to write long letter to.  Alright so I haven't proved myself - I haven't the slightest idea what your reaction will be upon receiving this.  I hope favorable.  I sincerely and honestly do not want you to feel bitter toward me.  I value what we have had and want very much for us to be friends.  Is that asking a great deal?  Doc, I'm not trying to rekindle an old flame - as the trite saying goes - I can understand how you feel and how you felt after I stopped writing.  How was I to know, Doc?

By the way, "There is something about a soldier"  I still have the music box -

We received a letter from Bill, however not a word about his approaching marriage.  He sent the "shot" he took that day in N.M. - yee gads, what a fright.  Also sent one of you and one of himself, very nice.  Just what we needed for our album - great addition.  Perhaps he will favor us with a wedding announcement.  I doubt it.

I must close - I shall bore you no longer.  Please try to understand what I so poorly have tried to say to you.

Recently I have read something I think you would enjoy - I conveys a great thought.  It is Willa Cather's - Two Friends - It is a short story - really worth anyone's time.

As ever,

Anne Roberts

Speaking of recent readings - I am now reading Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky.  It is wonderful - I think you would enjoy it very much - With me it ranks next to Wolfe - For a book - I consider that quite a rating among the Robert's repertoire.