Monday, November 21, 2016

November 21, 1946

Sunday
Dear Doc,

My dear, Mr. Rounds, you should feel flattered.  Tell me, how often do you receive letters (from females) written at 7:00 in the morning?  It's a rare thing, Doc, let me assure you.

Jo having to go on duty shortly after seven couldn't tolerate my staying in bed until eight, at least had to drag me out of bed to go to breakfast with her.  So I did!  That accounts for the early morn correspondence.  I don't have to be on duty until ten.  However, I shall write until the time comes to go to church.

By the way, Doc, tell me your secret, where do you get the "inspiration" for such lengthy letters?  They are very interesting and may I say, a welcome enjoyment?  I shall try to respond fittingly, knowing I won't succeed.

Life at the Sanitorium continues to be as full and interesting as it was when I started.  Before I comment further:
Say Mr. Rounds, what do you mean, the Anne Roberts of "old" didn't seem serious enough to become interested in mental disease?  Thinking about myself as of last year, I guess I was pretty much of a dope.  To be quite frank, I didn't know what I wanted to do.  One thing I am very glad of and that is that I got out of Wolff and Marx.  One deteriorated in that place.  It takes all out of one and gives nothing but unpleasantness in return.  Perhaps I shouldn't be bitter, we had our fun there.  It makes me disgusted with myself to know I preferred that place instead of going to school which I would have been doing.  Oh well, if I hadn't worked there I would have never met you which compensates greatly, huh!!

For god sakes, Doc, why do you continue studying subjects you don't enjoy and know you'll be unhappy doing.  You talk like an old man, "gramps" what are you, all of twenty two?  For heavens sakes, if you don't get any satisfaction out of "Management Fundamentals", "History of Insurance," "
How to be a good businessman" bla-bla- etc.  Why are you studying it?  Business fundamentals are for men who want to be big businessmen, and apparently you don't.  Hell, Doc, if you want to study Psychology, go ahead and do it.  More power to you.  What I can't understand is why a person would want to go through life - day after day doing something he knew he honestly didn't want to do.  Study Psychology as a "layman" can and can't be done.  One has to come in contact with people who are mentally unstable in order to understand it fully.  "That is my advice to you, Mr. Anthony"

By the way, I think you are quite wrong.  Parents and loved ones of persons who suffer from mental illness feel no humiliation at all.  From the cases I've come in contact with.  They don't feel pity, God that is the last thing the patients need.  As soon as people, everyone, realize that mental illness is not shameful, the better it will be for patients to orientate themselves in the "outside" or so called "normal world" after they are considered well.  There is nothing disgraceful about mental illness.  Anyone can suffer from mental illness.  Must dash off to church now.  Will continue later.  
Bye!

Another perfectly beautiful day has ended and I shall try to complete this so called "letter." 

 I tried several times while on duty to write more, however that was impossible, not that today was considered a busy day but there are so many interruptions.  Mrs. Leusdale wants to go for a walk.  You see, most of the patients in our cottage cannot go out unless attended by a nurse.  Which makes it fine and dandy when there are music lovers in the crowd.  Tuesday I'm accompanying one of my patients to see Hamlet.  Wonderful opportunity.  Of course, it's all on the patient.  I think this work is ideal.  Say, Doc, if you really are interested in this type of work, why don't you do it during the summer months?  When you are not going to school?  There are numerous opportunities for "eager" young men.  Or, are you no longer considered an "eager" young man.

My dear, Mr. Rounds, you flatter me greatly.  I never dream of becoming a psychiatrist.  I will be satisfied if I can be a damn good nurse.  I trust you'll excuse the profanity.

Oh, Doc, you are so wrong.  Mental suffering is such terrible suffering.  I don't know what manics you have been going with, however, the ones I have seen and talked to (acute sufferers) They know "something" is wrong with them and they are miserable because they do not know what it is.  The fact that they cannot realize reality.  Oh, it is all so complex.  I get so excited when I start thinking about it all.  Is that normal?

We have a wonderful group of nurses living in our house.  They are all rather elderly but very young in spirit.  There are five of us living here.  We are "waiting up" for one of the women who gets off duty at eleven for a good old beer party, with onion sandwiches and everything else that goes well with beer including numerous laughs.  Oh, we had a grand time.  I find I get along better with older women than I do the young.  Guess it is because I can't tolerate frustrated females who are frustrated females because they know of nothing better to do.

I regret very greatly not ever going flying with you.  Heavens man, why didn't you drag me?  This summer we had the occasion to do a great deal of flying.  Perhaps you remember my telling you about the girls camp we were at this summer. Well, the director's son, who was recently discharged from the Air Corps. He was a transport pilot in the Burma India Theater.  Anyways, he had a piper cub with pontoons which offered many pleasant hours of flying.  It is wonderful.  By the way, my eagle friend, clarify said statement, please, Getting Checked out in a P51 Mustang may be a little more than I could handle which was just what I thought when I met you (only differently)  Yee gads, what comparison!  Never fear, Doc, you'll come through alright.  I'll think of you Tuesday. Not that, that would make you feel anymore confident.

Incidentally, Doc, I was unable to decipher the Morse Code.  Enlighten me, Mr. Rounds I'm interested.  As you remember I was quite bad in code. - I just couldn't grasp it.

I know this is a very poor letter.  Please forgive me, I shall try to do better next time.

As ever,

Anne

Sunday, November 6, 2016

November 6, 1946


November 4

Dear Doc,

I hope you will forgive me for not writing.  It was not intentional that I had neglected writing.  You see, Doc, again I am a working girl.  This really doesn't seem like work at all.  I shall elaborate.  After some very sound advice and urging from Dr. Pyterek we have become interested in the medical profession.  Of course, it always had my utmost admiration and respect however, I never realized myself a nurse or anything else connected with it.  Alright, Doc, I will relieve the suspense.  Both Jo and I are nursing at the Milwaukee Sanitarium, which is a private mental institution.  I'm anxious to hear what you have to say about that.  It doesn't seem like an institution at all.  It is a beautiful place.  I work in one of the cottages (cottages they are called, however, I think mansions would be more appropriate) where the more mild cases are confined.  It is very interesting.  We have one patient who is an alcoholic, she is eighty-four years old.  Guess, she has everything in the back. Gad, she is a character.  It is amazing watching that woman.  Mentals have all my sympathy.  Their suffering is so depressing and sometimes so hopeless.  I am convinced and I actually believe mental suffering is more degrading than physical suffering.  No more of that though.


You asked if we were "Queens of the Campus."  Can't think of a worse status than that.  Much as I would like to be going to school now, I am not.  I have (or we have) decided to give Father Roberts a rest, "financially." Seeing we have such interesting work in a field which will be of future value we have decided to work a year and enter school then.  This is the ideal place to save money.  It is possible for me to save money, I have found that out. Also to do some heavy studying.  I am enjoying this life.  Arise at 6 a.m., retire about 9 p.m.  I imagine it is quite difficult for you to believe last statement, is the truth, Doc, nurses honor.

I am sorry to hear the Boston University is "blessed" with such few females.  Much as I would like to go there, it just isn't possible.  Darn it!!!  Some day I'll come East on a vacation.  What did you say the ratio was?  Heavens, Doc, I'll dash right there immediately.

Your weekend trip in the mountains sounds wonderful.  I love doing things like that.  There are so few people who really enjoy the simple things.  It is unfortunate because they are missing so much of life.

It is strange that we both should remember the evening we spent together reading O'Henry.  When I think of you and the times we spent together that usually enters my mind first along with the evening you returned from furlough/leave, (pardon me. I never could get that straight) and we saw Mischa Elman and you gave me the gardenia.  Remember?  Fine, perfect time, wasn't it?

By the way, have you heard from Bill?  I wonder if he ever got married.  Please enlighten me with any news.  Frankly, I can't picture Bill married.  Guess, tho, there isn't another person with such "wide" ideas about marriage as I.  They are rare _ Someday I write a book, Mental and Marriage by A. Roberts, the voice of experiencement.  Good joke!!!

Oh yes, Doc, I was going to ask you, How is your "house Mother"? Or don't you have one?  Guess, I wouldn't mind a job like that.  However, on second thought I guess I wouldn't, I am much happier caring for mentals.  (now laugh)  There is a difference you know, or is there?

Have you ever been to Milwaukee, Doc?  It's a fine city.  You would like it, I'm sure.  I think it is a wonderful place.  When I do, I'm going to take my nurses training at the St. Joseph's in Milwaukee.  The Sanitarium is located in a suburb of Milwaukee just about six miles out.  Convenient commuting which makes it most pleasant.

I disagree with you greatly, Doc.  It isn't such a "terrible thing" for one to see hisself as he really is.  It seems like a "terrible thing" because people do it so seldom.  We are so cowardly, cruel and disloyal towards one another and towards ourselves?  Spending our days doing useless things in false pretense and triviality?  There is to much joy and beauty and love in the world.  Heaven knows we want all three, but, yet we are afraid and ashamed to take it or seek it out.  Why are we afraid and ashamed to hunt out what we want most in life?  Perhaps it is because so few people know what they want out of life.  We are all so lost, so forsaken and so very lonely.  Life, how I love it!  

You mentioned the fact that you thought you were being selfish by not spending your free time with your parents.  Have you ever thought how selfish it is of them to expect you to do just that thing?  They have had their life.  Why do parents always cling to the old hope that their children will always be children, not grown men and women with minds and ideas of their own?  It is a rather cruel thing but parents should be able to resign themselves to the fact that their children are going to find more interesting, exciting interests than they.  I could go on all evening, however, I won't.  Parents expect too much from their children and vice versa I guess.  I feel so differently about my parents now than I did while I was in San Antonio.  I don't think I could stay away from them as long as I did then.  Of course, I realize what a perfectly ungrateful brat I was.  And now I am different.  It must be I am "growing up" How rare.  Life is real, Life is earnest.  And death is not it's goal

Do not apologize for upsetting me!  I was not upset.  Perhaps amazement would be a better word.  You do know me quite well, don't you, Doc?  Better than anyone else - that is besides Jo - However, I must admit it is the most strange way I have ever heard of one person letting another know he wanted to hear from her - But you succeeded.  Mark one up for Austin Lincoln Rounds - 

Have you been to any concerts?  I'm dying to get out and go to one - Too bad you are not going to school in Milwaukee - Tough luck!

While we were in Valparaiso at my sister's we had a great time.  She has a marvelous collection - of course. We had the record player going full blast all hours of the day.  I don't think I'll ever get enough classical music to satisfy my desire.  There always is something new one has not heard.  There are so many things aI want to do, to see, and to hear I doubt if I will live long enough.  That is why it is so important to make every minute count.  Once it is gone it will never return.  How very sad!!

I am rather doubtful about this letter - 

Really Doc, I'm mentally stable.  Anyway the doctors think so - 

Please write soon - I'm hoping you will not wait as long as I did to answer.  Serves me right if you do-  However, I'd rather you didn't.

As ever,
        ever,

             Anne

Incidentally I hope you won't have too difficult of a time finding the pages - they are numbered!

Anne Roberts
Wauwatosa, Wisc
U.S.A.

My, my, Anne how original - the USA I mean