May 13, 1945
Dear Mother:
I guess you were a little disappointed in your wandering son in forgetting you today. I feel rather disgusted that I didn't take care of things when I had a chance. I had wanted to send some special notice of my appreciation of my wonderful mother today but as usual I let things slide until it was too late. It seems that this is just another chance I have missed to show my love but have instead demonstrated a thoughtlessness or at least a laxness. I only wish I had the sense to see my blessing and show some appreciation before it is too late.
However I have been thinking of this day for months and to fumble the ball makes me disappointed in myself. I had every chance to send something long ago but missed my chance at the last minute. I hope everyone is not so thoughtless in their feeling toward you. I hope I am forgiven for this slip-up even though I don't deserve. Maybe some one should take me over there knee and give me a good spanking because I deserve it but am a little too old for it.
We got up to fly this morning but the field closed about the time we started engines. Therefore we didn't get off the ground till late and had to come back early. Aside from the usual trouble things went smoothly. As Airplane Commander I don't look far enough ahead to see all the eventualities so I make more than my share of mistakes. It makes me so mad sometimes when I look back at what I have done and realize there was really no call for them. I guess I am still learning the hard way. You may think that I have come a long way from school but when I see my own deficiencies stand out I just feel like giving up and throwing in the towel.
How I wish I were home following a planned future. It would be so much easier to be going to work every day to a steady job with a fairly secure future than to live each day knowing that some day it will all end and I will have to start all over again. Just wish I were home in my own room resting and thinking of my days in the army and swapping stories with some of the kids in the neighborhood. I suppose I will never be able to take up where I left off but will have to find the remains and start over. That seems to be just life, one struggle after another to find happiness.
I suppose I don't tell you much about training paths because you might have trouble doping it out and partly because I just don't know how to tell it. Some of the stuff is so new to me I don't even know what is going on. Even so I suppose I could tell you a few of the details.
You asked about feathering again. Well it is nearly putting the blades of the props in such a position so that the airflow around it will not make it turn. When you cut an engine it continues to turn over at a constant rate which can be set in the cockpit by varying the blade angle which is done with the prop controls. However a windmilling prop creates a great deal of excess drag and will do major damage to an engine which started out with only a minor break.
For instance say an oil line should break. If you couldn't feather the engine it would continue to turn with all the accessories operating. The engine would windmill, the pump would dump all the oil overboard, the engine turning over with no oil would be ruined, either it would freeze and snap the props off or it would start a fire and the engine would eventually drop out or catch the whole ship afire. However we feather the engine and stop its rotation and have only an oil line to repair when we get down. Now you are a qualified instructor on the whys and wherefores of feathering an engine.
Well I hope you will forgive me for neglecting you. I used to wish I had another mother but I have long since seen the foolishness of such a thing. I wouldn't swap you for a hundred Trusedales and Hunts because they could never take your place. I guess you are the indispensable member of the family, at least the one who sees all our weakness and loves us in spite of them.
With love
Austin
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